Review of Heat (as in temperature, and maybe other things)

Pictured Above: Magic Users Making Stuff Hotter

I haven't blogged in a while because I suppose I want to keep a level of sanctity to this place and not flood it with useless entries. That being said I really wanted to write a blog about heat. Have you heard about it? It's a new epidemic. Apparently it takes the our surroundings and raises the temperature. It sounds magic based to me so I am going to blame the sudden rise in wizardry popularity thanks to the newest Harry Potter movie.

I'm just saying, weather control could totally boost ticket sales next season

At first I thought this whole "heat" thing was made up by news media to earn ratings again ever since the series finale of "The Casey Anthoney Trial" (have you seen the ending yet? I won't spoil it, totally did not see it coming). Or maybe it was a big government cover up for something bigger. Or even more likely, a publicity stunt for the Miami Heat.

Then I saw this article about heat taking the lives of seven people in philly (a city known for being particularly not hot). I now understand the gravity of the situation. We have a killer on our hands. His name: Heat.

Heat: The Silent Killer.

Unless you live in Florida, like me. Then it isn't silent at all. By which I mean the majority of Floridians who constantly make sure you're aware that it's hot out and they don't like it. 9/10 times you run into someone around here and say a simple "hello" you have to brace yourself for the heat rant: "I cannot believe it's so hot out! I'm dying out here." I've since deemed these acceptable reponses to such a obvious remark:

"You don't hear me complaining" -The Equator

• "Well I'll be, you're right! Where have I been? You'd think I would have noticed what with the gallon of sweat dripping off my face and the now pit stained shirt I'm going have to replace when I get home!"
• "I don't believe it either! It's never been hot here before this very instance in all of recorded history!"
• (My personal favorite) "YOU'RE DYING? Someone call 911! Stay with us, dammit!" Proceed to give the person mouth to mouth while hitting them in the chest, then look up to the heavens and say: "You're not taking this one! Not today!"

My main question to those heat-haters out there: How does complaining to be day in and day out incessently solve your problem in any way? I know it's hot out. You really don't need to tell me. Perhaps you should try Canada. The only person with the right to complain about temperature (in general) is James Rolfe (WARNING: FOUL LANGUAGE):

And that's my 56 cents.

My Review of Heat

98°/100

My Review of Anyone Complaining To Me About How Hot It Is

1 big 'ole crybaby (that's you)