Review of Heat (as in temperature, and maybe other things)

Pictured Above: Magic Users Making Stuff Hotter

I haven't blogged in a while because I suppose I want to keep a level of sanctity to this place and not flood it with useless entries. That being said I really wanted to write a blog about heat. Have you heard about it? It's a new epidemic. Apparently it takes the our surroundings and raises the temperature. It sounds magic based to me so I am going to blame the sudden rise in wizardry popularity thanks to the newest Harry Potter movie.

I'm just saying, weather control could totally boost ticket sales next season

At first I thought this whole "heat" thing was made up by news media to earn ratings again ever since the series finale of "The Casey Anthoney Trial" (have you seen the ending yet? I won't spoil it, totally did not see it coming). Or maybe it was a big government cover up for something bigger. Or even more likely, a publicity stunt for the Miami Heat.

Then I saw this article about heat taking the lives of seven people in philly (a city known for being particularly not hot). I now understand the gravity of the situation. We have a killer on our hands. His name: Heat.

Heat: The Silent Killer.

Unless you live in Florida, like me. Then it isn't silent at all. By which I mean the majority of Floridians who constantly make sure you're aware that it's hot out and they don't like it. 9/10 times you run into someone around here and say a simple "hello" you have to brace yourself for the heat rant: "I cannot believe it's so hot out! I'm dying out here." I've since deemed these acceptable reponses to such a obvious remark:

"You don't hear me complaining" -The Equator

• "Well I'll be, you're right! Where have I been? You'd think I would have noticed what with the gallon of sweat dripping off my face and the now pit stained shirt I'm going have to replace when I get home!"
• "I don't believe it either! It's never been hot here before this very instance in all of recorded history!"
• (My personal favorite) "YOU'RE DYING? Someone call 911! Stay with us, dammit!" Proceed to give the person mouth to mouth while hitting them in the chest, then look up to the heavens and say: "You're not taking this one! Not today!"

My main question to those heat-haters out there: How does complaining to be day in and day out incessently solve your problem in any way? I know it's hot out. You really don't need to tell me. Perhaps you should try Canada. The only person with the right to complain about temperature (in general) is James Rolfe (WARNING: FOUL LANGUAGE):

And that's my 56 cents.

My Review of Heat

98°/100

My Review of Anyone Complaining To Me About How Hot It Is

1 big 'ole crybaby (that's you)

Review of Orchid Thai Cuisine (and the Township of Pluto, FL)

Well it's been some time since my last post. A lot has happened since then. Blah blah blah and that about brings us up to date. I would ask what's new with you but this is a blog which keeps things rather one sided. I guess if you want you can leave a comment below and tell me. Do it right now. It's okay we'll carry on when you are done. Ready?

Well yesterday I met my sister for lunch at a nice little restaurant in Winter Park called Orchid Thai Cuisine. They serve Thai food. There is another Thai restaurant in Winter Park that has the words in little LED lights on its roof "THAI FOOD" written in all caps. The thing is the bottom of the I doesn't light up so it looks like it says "THAT FOOD" and I always find myself saying "I've always wanted to try that food." But that's a different restaurant for a different blog post.

Orchid was nice. The food tasted good and it's located in a well-to-do neighborhood where people have money to spend and apparently time to waste (as our server made quite evident by his constant dissapearence from our table for 20+ minute increments).

Portion sizes were fair. At least, I ate enough to warrent a desire to take a late afternoon run upon returning home. I probably would have done that anyways, as the conditions were right (light breaze, glorious sunshine, homework requiring my procrastination). I was even feeling motivated enough to make a left out of my housing complex (as opposed to right, which leads to the comic book store not a mile down the road where my desire to run tends to halt all together).

Proceeding along my path I passed the big fenced in empty land with the "No Tresspassing" sign posted on its gate and the abandoned golf course not far down the road. I made it to the bank, a good two and a half miles from home, when I decided that would be a good point to head back. So head back I did- Past the abandoned golf course; past the big fenced in empty land with the "No Tresspassing" sign in its open gate.

Open gate? I usually have no desire to tresspass where I'm not wanted, but I have never seen this gate open before. I had assumed by it's always being shut and locked it was gaurding a government facility or alien crash landing site or a big plot of empty land that someone just felt like closing off from the rest of the world or the villaige from The Villaige. Now was my chance to run down the broken pavement long unkempt by the outside world.

So tresspass I did. I kept running. That way if some cop or military personel were to stop me I could play the stupid jogger card who pays no attention to things like signs and ominous barbed wire fences and they'd send me on my merry way. There were no armed gaurds waiting for me beyond the fence. Just lush greens of an open field surrounded by woodland.

Also, there was a raccoon. In broad daylight. the few of you who have read previous editions of this short lived blog may recall I've had such a run in before.

Proceeding with caution I made it past the critter void of any confrontation. The pavement was becoming more broken up and run down until eventually I was running on a dirt path. I had gone far enough that I could no longer see my street. Then I came upon the vultures. Foul creatures they are. Must have been about sixteen of them, pecking at something, I could not tell what, as the smell of its dead, rotting carcass was too much for me to beat going near. Also some of the vultures were giving me an eerie stare and I figured it best I pass them and continue my exploration elsewhere.

The path continued into some woods. These weren't dark, creepy woods or anything (this isn't that sort of story). It was broad daylight and I could see a town on the other side of the trees. I assumed I could run through that town and find my way back to the SR-434 and then back home. Conveniently there was a bridge over a small stream in the woods. On the far bank I could see an upturned row boat. It was overrun with plants and looked like it hadn't been used in ages. I thought about how today would be a beautiful day for a paddle boat ride, but I wasn't about to turn over that old, hole ridden log.

This is the point at which I realized Daft Punk was no longer keeping my running pace. In fact my phone wasn't playing music at all. Its battery had died. I'm not sure how that had happened as It had charged all the way just before lunch and it usually lasted at least a day before being anywhere near dead. Not a problem, I could be disconnected from the world for another half hour or so.

The town was quaint. Small houses lined the main street. They were cute, though did not show much signs of maintenence in the past few decades. I remember thinking it odd for mid afternoon that not a car drove past. In fact the only automobiles I saw were scattered among a few old driveways showing signs of rust of rust and decay. Some of you know I am not much of a car guy but I would assume these vehicles wouldn't get you very far, if you could start them at all.

I needed to know more about this backwards, middle-of-nowhere town. That's when I saw the little old man sitting on his portch. If there's one thing that I have learned when it comes to learning about local history, look for the old people. They will talk your ear off about the oddest miniscule things regarding the area in question. Things you won't learn from official documentation and history books. And they're old, you know, so they don't have anything better to do.

His front yard had a dog house. Looking at it I realized this was the first dog house I had ever seen in person. I had never concidered before the current state of dog houses. They were myths, soon to become legends. Think about it, have you ever seen a dog house? That was rhetorical (I don't really care for the answer). I could barely read the name engraved over its entrance. I could make out the letters "B V R V S." Bevers? Beavers? Burus? Bury us?

I approached the old man.

"Howdy, stranger," He spoke loudly in an old, raspy voice.

"Hello," I said.

"What? Halo? Not on me!" He laughed. Obviously I was going to have to speak loudly and enunciate for the poor old man's outdated ear drums. "What brings you to these parts?"

"I WAS JUST EXPLORING!" I hoped he could hear me, I couldn't speak much louder. "WHERE ARE WE?"

"Exploding? Well it's a wonder you're still in one peice. You kids should be more careful what you play with." Seriouosly, old man? "Well this here's the township of Pluto. Welcome."

I quickly thought about my local Floridia geography. I live in Winter Springs. Near us is Longwood, Winter Park, Sandford, Casselberry, all on the outskirts of Orlando. I never heard of Pluto. "ARE WE NEAR CASSELBERRY?"

The old man looked surprised, "Castle burning? Well I'll be, haven't heard that in some time." What are you talking about?

In the midst of this nonsense filled conversation barking errupted from inside the old man's house. There must have been at least three dogs inside.

"IS THAT... um... BURUS?"

"Brutus?" The old man lit up, "Did HE give you directions? Oh boy, last time he sent someone here it caused quite a commotion!"

Okay, I'll admit, sometimes seeking informations about a town from one of its oldest residents will backfire in the end (unless, of course, your goal is to be more confused than you were prior the encounter).

"Well if you'll excuse me stranger, I better go feed the mutt." The old man stood up.

"SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE MORE THAN JUST ONE."

"You have fun, yourself. Hope I don't see you again for some time." That was an odd statement to follow with a smile. He stepped inside his house and he said something that sounded like "Quiet down, Cerberus."

I continued my run, realizing I had been gone for some time and I had a hot date with a German textbook later (homework doesn't do itself (yet)). Retracing my steps I returned to the bridge, passed over it, ran by a caracass that had all of its flesh and meat pecked off of it. Then Daft Punk started playing from my phone. Technology is so weird sometimes.

So, yea, all in all the restaurant was all right. Good food but not the best service.

My Review of Orchid Thai Cuisine

6 peices of silverware since they did not have chop sticks like any self respecting Thai restaraunt should

My Review of the Township of Pluto, FL

∞/10

VEGANS!

Tonight I ate an amazing little place called Ethos Vegan Kitchen in Orlando, FL. I feel it is necessary now for an apology: To all the vegans out there, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for calling you crazy for all these years. You just came on a bit strong, that's all. From now on I promise I've got your back. We're bros now. Mind you I'm not vegan yet. I'm still to big a fan of my daily pus infused byproduct of a cow's udder. But I have to say, Ethos is an outstanding restaraunt. I had a pecan encrusted roasted eggplant that was superb (Sautéed pecan encrusted eggplant finished with red wine sauce and served with mashed potatoes and gravy and today's vegitable, oh and a small peice of heaven). Their bathrooms were clean too (I always find this an important factor in deciding whether or not I like a place). Vegans I am just going to say this: If you can all cook like this, I don't care how crazy you are. But if you could just tell me one thing. What's with vegan dog food? Was that really necessary? Eh, it's all good, keep up the good work all the same, you zaney veggie killers, you. P.S. The term vegan has always and still does make me think of Vega from Street fighter (and probably always will).

My Review of VEGANS (all of them)

7/10 cute animals who shall stay alive, though perhaps not remain cute

My Review of Ethos Vegan Kitchen

9/10 Angry Eggplants (would have been 10 civil eggplants but I ate one, remember?)

Maximus the Teleporting Horse Dog

I was driving home from work tonight and remembered that my school was showing Disney's Tangled tonight on a big screen outside. So I figure the only thing better than spending my Saturday night home alone would be to spend it at school watching a Disney movie (alone). I was thinking about maybe posting a review of the movie up here (this was my second time seeing it and felt I can judge it properly now), but then I figured, "meh there's plenty of reviews of the movie already, I'm just gonna review that horse!" I mean seriously that thing was awesome! Was it a horse? Was it a dog? Was it a swordsman? I don't even know. The movie itself is good. In fact much better than I anticipated. I'm not saying it's one of my favorites like I've heard a lot of lately (I have my beef with certain aspects and could rant on them for hours but I will avoid such rant as there are a lot of people I know who really... REALLY liked this movie and I know I will feel their wrath later (did I spell wrath right? (wow parentheses within parentheses... This blog just got incepted!))). Did I mention I went and saw this alone? In a sea of couples and groups of friends? I'm not trying to gain sympathy or anything. There was a few other people there like me, just chillin' out max and relaxin' all cool (by themselves). I pulled my chair up to one such fellow. I was all "Hey man! You here alone? Me too! Let's be friends!" No response. Not even a glance. (Making friends is tough) My response (in my head): Fine man, be that way. I just figured this way we didn't BOTH have to look like losers. I'll just give you the stink eye the entire time you watch the movie. (which I did, thank you very much) For real though Maximus the dog horse thing was great. Very cartoony and funny but still a bad@$$. I especially like the part where we find out he can teleport. *spoiler* near the end of the movie Max busts Flynn out of prison and Flynn's all "Max, let's see how fast you can go"... Five minutes later, totally makes it to Rapunzel's tower. The tower that took the entire film before (about a day and a half in movie time) to get away from and reach the city. Original movie dialogue: "Max, let's see how fast you can go..." *bamf* " Oh **** you can teleport? that's freakin' awesome!" Then again maybe it's the tower that was teleporting. Or maybe it's some sort of trans-dimensional subspace nexus that causes it to be five minutes away from everything. For instance: Evil mother chick agrees to make the 3 days journey to fetch Rapunzel shells for her birthday. She's gone for some time and Rapunzel and Flynn make their agreement to run off together, they go and spend all sorts of time outside. Crazy mother chick sees Maximus being all cool dog horse like and is all "the guards? oh snap I need to go check on Rapunzel!" 30 seconds later (5 minutes movie time) she's already back at the tower... (or maybe she was just taking her sweet old time and doing whatever crazy evil chicks do). Dialogue from the original ending to the movie: INT. CASTLE THRONE ROOM KING and QUEEN standing around all mopey about their daughter being kidnapped (some 18 years ago). A GUARD runs in.

GUARD

King! We found your daughter!

KING

No way! That’s awesome! Where was she?

GUARD

You know that tower that’s like

five minutes away from us?

KING

Yeah! You mean...

GUARD

Yup! She’s been there the whole time!

KING

Really? No way! This whole time I

never bothered to check there. Well

I just feel like a horse’s --

For real though it is a very good movie. Don't take this as me making fun of it or anything. I mean I am, but isn't that the best part? When we like something enough that we CAN make fun of it and still end up liking it?

My Rating of Maximus:

8/10 teleporting characters

My Rating of Dude Who Ignored Me:

1/1 Forever Alone

Good Omens

Being that it's past midnight and I am not the least bit tired (thanks to a certain early evening nap I decided to up and make a new blog). Now I've made blogs before and like so many blogs in the blogosphere left by the wayside I left those projects due to lack of interest and all around forgetting they existed (which, by the way ladies, are similar problematic results I have envisioned for myself concerning my children someday). This blog should hopefully last a bit longer because It has the luxury of not having a particular theme. This may also be the reason I end up losing interest and forgetting it exists. We'll see. Let's start this off with

my review of Good Omens by Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett:

I just finished reading this book tonight. It's a humorous take on the end of the world with reference to Christian doctrine. The book reads much like a Douglas Adams novel (the brilliance behind The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy), of which I know Gaiman is a fan. It's kind of been my stress reliever betwixt books for school and other projects I'm working on so I've really been reading small bits on and off for about two months now. It feels good having another fantastic work of Neil Gaiman under my belt. A belt that, thanks to a birthday weekend and 3 different (very tasty) cakes, barely fits anymore and for this reason had me on a two mile run immediately after the completion of Good Omens.

While running I saw three raccoons, one of which seemed to be running just slightly behind me. At first I felt it was a sign of my natural bond with nature but then I remembered raccoons are known to have the whole rabies thing going for them so I picked up pace as to not risk little Meko catching up with me. It turns out (s)he was a nice addition to my run as the little Englishman who lives in my phone and gives me updates on my run at one point told me I was going a whopping 8.5 mph.

Mind you none of this running business has anything to do with the novel. But you didn't really want me to tell you about it. Trust me, you should just read it on your own (or at least Wikipedia's summery). Still I feel compelled to share a few of my favorite lines:

"They'd been brought up to it and weren't, when you got right down to it, particularly evil. Human beings mostly aren't. They just get carried away by new ideas, like dressing up in jackboots and shooting people, or dressing up in white sheets and lynching people, or dressing up in ti-dye jeans and playing guitars at people. Offer people a new creed with a costume and their hearts and minds will follow."

"They'd come up with some stomach-churning idea that no demon could have thought of in a thousand years, some dark and mindless unpleasantness that only fully functioning human brain could conceive, then shout "The Devil Made Me Do It" and get the sympathy of the court when the whole point was the Devil hardly ever made anyone do anything. He didn't have to."

"The real grace and the real heart-stopping evil, was right inside the human mind."

"She felt she looked haunted and gaunt and romantic, and she would have, if she lost another thirty pounds. She was convinced that she was anorexic, because every time she looked in the mirror she did indeed see a fat person."

"He couldn't see why people made such a fuss about people eating their silly old fruit anyway, but life would be a lot less fun if they didn't. And there never was an apple, in Adam's opinion, that wasn't worth the trouble you got into for eating it."

My Rating of Good Omens:

7 Angels and One of the Fallen/ 10 Heavenly Beings My Rating of Tonight's Run:

5.5 Rabid Animals